Welcome to my blog!

This blog is an honest look at what life is like for this particular American convert to Islam. We're taught in Islam to cover our sins, to not air them, for fear of lessening the severity of sinning. In this blog, I may relate past indiscretions from time to time. This isn't to make light of them, but in the interest of educating Muslims and non-Muslims alike as to the realities of life as an American convert, I present my mistakes honestly. I make no excuses for them, nor do I claim that they were okay to make. I am not perfect, and I make no pretenses as to that. If others can learn from my past, know that Islam, and religion in general, is open for people no matter what mistakes they've made, then I will gladly air my sins when needed.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

The Courtship of The Hijabi Waitress and LordSai

I'm on the OKCupid dating website; I have been for several years, even if most of them have been inactive. Occasionally I'll get really inane, asinine messages, and once in a blue moon I'll get downright harassment - mostly about being Muslim, or sometimes from a Muslim who can't fathom that sexuality and faith aren't mutually exclusive because I've put "bisexual" because they don't have options for "asexual, panromantic".

And then lo and behold, tonight I opened my OKC messages and this wondrous gem was waiting for me, by the charming and eloquent LordSai.


I mean, what a catch, right? Clearly this man is my soulmate - he is a gentleman who knows exactly what to say to win a lady's heart. Amirite, ladies?


After reporting my would-be suitor's messages as harassment, a rape threat, and harassment, respectively, I pondered how best to express my joy at his messages and yet sorrow at invoking his anger, and finally settled on the following:


I mean, what else could I have sent?

UPDATE:



O frabjous day, callooh, callay! Look at how compatible we are!

On sex:








On relationships involving existing children:


On respecting a friend's relationship:


On parenting:


On grammar and respecting women:


 On basic hygiene:

On a woman's right to determine when she has a child:


On being a decent person and basic science (aka common sense):


Truly, my love is the pinnacle of human achievement.

9 comments:

  1. Hahahah, ah this had me laughing so hard! :') He sounds like a real catch.

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  2. I am against abortion. I understand if there is a medical reason for it - but not when a woman simply doesn't want to assume responsibility for her action. If you don't want to have children, then simply don't have sex in the first place; that is the most secure way to avoid it and some other problems, too. Or you could use contraception if you are not planning pregnancy - but why should an innocent child pay the price for their parents' irresponsibility?! It is not just the woman's body - but also, the little creature's life. If 'every child should be a wanted one', then are you saying that if a child comes to this world 'by accident', meaning, unwanted, then they have no right to live just because they are accidental? If it were so, then I surely do not deserve being in this world because I'm sure my parents didn't want me - and I'm not alone in this, for there are plenty of other people who were born as accidents and they have never had a bit of parental love. Moreover, they've spent their entire childhood in an orphanage... I lived in the orphanage, I know what I'm saying... I was unloved, unwanted child looked down upon and harassed all my life; bullied at school and abused at home, and I have never once even thought of the possibility of aborting a child, even unwanted, simply because if an unwanted child should be denied the right of existence, then I myself would not be alive today... I'd rather be an abstinent than produce a child when I don't feel like having it... Why don't women use their brains...? Why are they so weak-minded that they have no control over themselves - and why men are so wicked creatures as this man whose evil nature makes him say things like that to a woman just because she wear a headscarf and because she's of Islamic religion, why?!...

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    1. "I am against abortion."

      Then don't have an abortion. You do not get to decide what's best for other women.

      "... but not when a woman simply doesn't want to assume responsibility for her action."

      Having an abortion IS taking responsibility for her actions. She (not you, SHE) feels that it's MORE irresponsible to bring a child into the world than to not be pregnant. YOU are not the judge of another woman's actions or life.

      "If you don't want to have children, then simply don't have sex in the first place; ..."

      Consent to sex is not consent to pregnancy. Contraception fails. Shit happens. It's none of your business and not your place to judge.

      "It is not just the woman's body - but also, the little creature's life."

      It is ALWAYS the woman's body. ALWAYS. When a woman decides that she does not want to be pregnant, she is under NO obligation to REMAIN pregnant, because IT IS *HER* BODY.

      "If 'every child should be a wanted one', then are you saying that if a child comes to this world 'by accident', meaning, unwanted, then they have no right to live just because they are accidental?"

      That's a huge leap of logic to get from "every child SHOULD be a wanted one" to "unwanted children should be killed." HUGE.

      "... simply because if an unwanted child should be denied the right of existence, then I myself would not be alive today..."

      I'm sorry for what you've gone through. But again, I was NOT saying that all unwanted fetuses should be aborted - I was saying that children SHOULD all be wanted, SHOULD be born into homes and families who will love and care for them - but I was NOT saying that all unwanted fetuses should be aborted. Please stop taking my words as a personal attack on you.

      "I'd rather be an abstinent than produce a child when I don't feel like having it..."

      It's not either have sex and a child or have no sex and no child. Sex doesn't automatically produce a pregnancy. And YOU do NOT GET A SAY IN HOW OTHERS LIVE THEIR LIVES.

      "Why don't women use their brains...? Why are they so weak-minded that they have no control over themselves"

      Women DO use their brains and they DO have control over themselves. ACCIDENTS HAPPEN. SHIT HAPPENS. Sometimes rape happens. It is NOT about women being weak-minded or not using their brains - and that's exceptionally misogynistic of you to say.

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  3. The world is such a sick place... But please!!! Women, do not kill your children if you have already conceived them, unless your very life is in danger in case you decide to give birth - for every child conceived is a human being and has a holy right to survive, and religion has nothing to do with it - I'm speaking from a religiously neutral point of view, as I always do - I'm speaking as a human, with all my love of humanity - do not murder your child... Oh yes, it is a murder, nothing else but that - to kill a baby in a womb without a perfectly valid medical reason such as the mother's very life or possible health complications - anything other than that, to my eyes, is but a murder to avoid responsibility for one's choices and behaviour. You speak of having control over your own body... Fine. But by aborting a child you're not exercising that control because in the first place, you've failed to have full control over your body when you conceived that unwanted child - by not protecting yourself, which you should do if you truly believe that every child should be a wanted child - either by contraception, or by abstinence - so how can you speak of having control over your body now that the child is already on its way...? When that is the case, it is already too late and you should have known before - you must therefore pay the price... If you don't want to accept an unwanted child, there is such thing as adoption - many couple cannot have their own children and if you already give birth to an unwanted child, they would be more than happy to adopt your baby and they would give him or her all the love that his or her real father and mother has denied... So, why would you kill your child...? Who are you to decide their fate...? What if your parents did not want you when you were conceived and they decided to abort you...? You wouldn't be here now to advocate abortion in such a manner... Think about it...! For it could have happened... You never know.

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    1. "... anything other than that, to my eyes, is but a murder to avoid responsibility for one's choices and behaviour."

      If I got pregnant RIGHT NOW - regardless of the situation in which the conception happened - it would be irresponsible of me to NOT have an abortion. The child would grow up in poverty. I would have to go on welfare, which is horrendously difficult to get off of.

      I can barely take care of MYSELF right now, and you have the audacity to demand that, should I become pregnant, I bring into the world a child that I CANNOT CARE FOR? That I have to risk my own life - and risky pregnancies run in my family; my mother almost died from her first pregnancy - in order to what? Bring a child into a shitty living situation?

      "But by aborting a child you're not exercising that control because in the first place, you've failed to have full control over your body when you conceived that unwanted child - by not protecting yourself, which you should do if you truly believe that every child should be a wanted child - either by contraception, or by abstinence ..."

      Oh hey, RAPE HAPPENS. CONTRACEPTION FAILS. Sometimes women WANT children, BUT NOT RIGHT NOW. Sometimes women are in REALLY SHITTY SITUATIONS - like my friend's mother, who was married to a highly abusive man when she first got pregnant. If she had kept the child, she would have had to stay with him and would have been MURDERED. Instead she had an abortion, got out, met a man a few years later who actually cared for her, then CHOSE to bring into the world THREE children who were WANTED, and LOVED, and NOT ABUSED. One abortion enabled FOUR LIVES to be lived - hers and her three children.

      "... you must therefore pay the price..."

      PREGNANCY AND CHILDREN ARE NOT PUNISHMENTS. What the actual fuck? You're not pro-child, you're pro-punishing-women-for-having-sex.

      "If you don't want to accept an unwanted child, there is such thing as adoption ..."

      I suggest you look up adoption statistics, love, because you are FUCKING WRONG.

      "What if your parents did not want you when you were conceived and they decided to abort you...? You wouldn't be here now to advocate abortion in such a manner... Think about it...!"

      And if your mother had aborted you, you wouldn't have grown up in that orphanage, or endured those beatings, that abuse, that neglect. Think about it. You could have been born into a family who wanted you, and loved you. Also, speaking of your life situation, where were all those parents you claim would LOVE to adopt a baby? Think about it.

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  4. No one has the right to take other person's life. Some parents believe they have the right of life and death over their children, just because they believe to be the ones who have given that life to their children - but they are wrong. They did not create that life merely by their union from which that life evolved. Now, I speak from a God-believer's point of view, yet, still regardless of religion, be it Muslim, Christian or other, simply as a person who believes in God - I dare say that it is God who creates life and so, it is not up to whoever believes in Him to decide about other people's life and death. It is but usurpation of God's sole right to give and take that life away. This is my point of view - and I myself don't have any kids because I don't want to have them, and so, I live alone and I avoid situations that may lead to ever conceiving an unwanted child. I used to be married once and I have never ever done anything in that direction until my marriage - something of which I am proud in the world where sex before marriage is something pretty common, no longer regarded as out of place. Mind you, I was never actually a religious person; I simply was a responsible and thinking creature who did not want any trouble. Nor was I even interested in those things. I still played with dolls at the age of 15 - and I am proud that I managed to keep something of my childlike innocence in my adult life. Greetings!

    A.B.

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    1. So now you're slut-shaming women who choose to have sex, because clearly your decision in life trump everyone else's and are the One True Way of living.

      Honey, look, I am SO sorry for what you've gone through in life. SO sorry.

      But YOU DO NOT GET TO DECIDE WHAT OTHER WOMEN DO WITH THEIR LIVES AND BODIES. You have NO IDEA what their situation is, or what's made them make the decisions they've made. Most abortions in America are requested by MARRIED women WHO ALREADY HAVE CHILDREN, who have taken a look a their lives and situations and decided that bringing a child into the world is the MOST IRRESPONSIBLE ACTION they could take.

      Women are raped. Contraception fails. Do you REALLY think that, say, a 15-year-old should have a baby? You're advocating using pregnancy and children as PUNISHMENT for having sex, WHICH SHOULD NEVER BE A THING THAT HAPPENS because CHILDREN SHOULD NEVER BE A PUNISHMENT. Parents who don't want their children - who REALLY don't want their children - are more neglectful and more prone to abuse BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO BE PARENTS AND THEY RESENT THE CHILD.

      YOU chose to remain abstinent until marriage. YOU choose to live alone and avoid sex. That's great - FOR YOU. But YOUR life choices are NOT RIGHT FOR EVERYONE.

      Yes, God creates life - and if God wants a child to be born, THAT CHILD WILL BE BORN. If it's not born, obviously it's not God's will. But YOU DO NOT GET TO ENFORCE WHAT *YOU* THINK GOD'S WILL IS.

      Think about it.

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  5. (Sorry for typos that account for 'bad grammar'...) :P

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    1. Ms. Baranowska, you say, "unless your very life is in danger in case you decide to give birth" I'm not sure whether or not you realize this, but EVERY birth is risky. EVERY BIRTH can potentially kill the mother or child(ren). Hijabi Waitress and I had a very dear friend who had a completely healthy, normal pregnancy who died shortly after giving birth. It was a great loss to a beautiful community which we are a part of. That in and of itself nullifies some of your reasoning in keeping unwanted pregnancies. As a woman with many physical and mental issues which make pregnancy incredibly risky as I quite literally risk my ability to ever walk normally as well as many other things including what little mental stability I may have by carrying a pregnancy to term your wish that I carry and give birth to any fetuses I may conceive is a horrendous idea. If any of the methods of conception which my partner and I practice fail, we've already agreed that an abortion is our plan. It will save our marriage, our sanity, and potentially it may save my life.

      IT IS NOT YOUR PLACE TO JUDGE. It is not your place to dictate how others live their lives, and it is not your place to to decide that a FETUS (which, by the way, is a little clump of cells in a uterus which has no viability outside its environment, thus making it a parasite) has more right to live than the fully grown, walking, talking, HUMAN WOMAN which it inhabits. You have the rights to your OPINIONS. We have the rights to our opinions AND OUR BODIES. It is my body. I will do with it what I wish. Abortion is not murder any more than treatment for tapeworms is.

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