Welcome to my blog!

This blog is an honest look at what life is like for this particular American convert to Islam. We're taught in Islam to cover our sins, to not air them, for fear of lessening the severity of sinning. In this blog, I may relate past indiscretions from time to time. This isn't to make light of them, but in the interest of educating Muslims and non-Muslims alike as to the realities of life as an American convert, I present my mistakes honestly. I make no excuses for them, nor do I claim that they were okay to make. I am not perfect, and I make no pretenses as to that. If others can learn from my past, know that Islam, and religion in general, is open for people no matter what mistakes they've made, then I will gladly air my sins when needed.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

The trials and tribulations of an American hijabi

My Jezebel friend Effie definitely helped me out with this one, so she gets co-server credit!

What, another post about Muslim women wearing hijab? I've already talked about it here, here, here, and most heart-wrenchingly (trust me, my heart was wrenched as I wrote it), here.

I've talked about my problems with loved ones not being able to come to terms with my hijab (which I believe has since happened, as there haven't been any more confrontations or talk about it from either of us), about how special and secure and comfortable hijab makes me feel, about how it's helped me to spread awareness about Islam, about how people automatically think I'm not American because of it, and about how I love that hijab makes me visibly Muslim.

But there's another side to this, a far more frustrating side, and that's what I want to discuss candidly here: how difficult it is to be a visibly Muslim woman in America.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Muslim or muslim?

Please note that yes, I am citing my sources. Why? Because I hate it when people make claims and don't cite their sources. If I'm going to claim something, I want the proof to back it up.

All the views expressed here, unless otherwise noted, are mine and mine alone. And despite occasional claims to the contrary, I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the Communist Party scholar of Islam. Maybe one day. But not today. 

Capitalization errors aside, I make a distinction between someone who is Muslim and something that is muslim. This has relevance, I think, with how Muslims try to explain Islam and the definitions of "Islam" and "Muslim" to non-Muslims.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Logical Faith

Looks like Mondays and Thursdays are my scheduled posting days. We'll see how this goes. :)

I was told recently that once one knew the rules of a faith (Islam, in this case), once one knew what God wanted one to do, then one couldn't possibly apply logic to the rules, only blindly follow.

I took issue with this.

I came to Islam through a logical process. I've tried being atheist. It didn't work. Agnosticism only worked slightly better. The thought of multiple gods, though appealing at one point in my life, was no longer working. I've always felt a spiritual power in life, whether or not I identified it as such. Buddhism and Taoism, though paths that I greatly admire and respect, don't quite do it for me. It seems there's something more, something they don't quite get, to my mind. I never got the concept of the Trinity in Christianity, either.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Faith in God: I has it. Part II.

This is the second installment in the Faith in God: I Has It series. It'll last as long as my conversation with the lady on Jezebel lasts. And I might add in other parts. Who knows? Donavenesque's reply was short than I had thought, so her reply, and my return reply, are both in this post.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Faith in God: I has it. Part I.

In addition to posting Deep and Meaningful Thoughts(tm) on Facebook, I also post them in the comments on Jezebel, a feminist website.

A week or so there was a post on how some blogger supposedly overcame her rheumatoid arthritis by the power of Jesus alone, and was walking around in high heels. She also told rape/molestation survivors that all they needed to do was put their faith in Jesus, put on makeup, and wear high heels in order to overcome their trauma.

Some people were trashing on the woman for being so dismissive of, and giving such harmful and insensitive advice to, rape/molestation survivors. There were the requisite "Jesus HEELED me and saved my SOLE!" cracks. And some people were trashing on the blogger's religion.

One of the commentators posted that she was always irritated that religion only seemed to come up in derisive stories, and as she was basically Christian, would love positive, interesting stories from people of other faiths.

This is an edited-for-the-blog version of what I told her. It's going to be a series. Her reply will follow, and mine after that.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Celebrating non-Eid holidays as a Muslim.

Holidays, ranging from one's birthday to Christmas, is something that converts tend to have issues with. Do we celebrate them or not? Are they forbidden or not? Is the secular celebration of Christmas, the warmth of family and friends in the cold of winter (or heat, if you're in the southern hemisphere, I suppose), the loving exchange of gifts, something to be avoided simply because it isn't one of our celebrations? Simply because of what it means to some people, when almost every American, regardless of their religious beliefs, celebrates this holiday?

Friday, May 13, 2011

Public shaming will help me succeed.


Good news! I have decided my life's path! Now to get God to agree with it.

Anyway, God willing, I'll graduate in December with my Associate's. After that, I'm going to apply for, and be accepted to, CalArts' BFA in Character Animation.

This is where you come in:



Thank you,

Saturday, March 19, 2011


I took my Shahada like a champ! It was amazing, and awesome; my Daddy, who doesn't quite agree with my religious choices, was there, supporting me like the totally awesome and amazing man I'm blessed to call Daddy. Which I still do. Stop judging me.

So! It's been a crazy year. Wow. I do mean crazy. Right now, I find myself 3 quarters and 8 classes away from my Associate's degree (finally), still at my Restaurant of Awesome job and kicking butt & taking names, in possession of a new sister-in-law, psyching myself up to apply for a Pixar internship next spring, and more content and happy in my faith than in any faith I've ever tried or looked into.

I was also sick with the flu for a week, then not sick for a week, and now I've got strep or something. My manager was so mad when I called in sick for the weekend, but what can you do?

Over this past year, I've been blessed with so many amazing friends; I'm continually astounded by how much I'm loved. We've done amazing things this past year. I am so blessed. I'm looking forward to many more years with every.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A review of Captain Planet: Episode 1.

Captain Planet and the Planeteers was an environmentalist cartoon that aired in the United States from September 15, 1990 through December 5, 1992. It ended two days before my sister was born, and I'm sure its cancellation is somehow her fault. I barely remember the show, more that it was cheesy, the theme song is amazing, and it started my love of blue men. So, I decided to watch the first episode again. And then I decided to review it.

All opinions are mine, and I'm making no money off of this. Captain Planet and the Planeteers is copyright Turner Program Services and DiC Entertainment.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

An open letter to Mike Huckabee.

Mike Huckabee, rumoured to be the Republican Party's main Presidential candidate in 2012, has made inane and idiotic (is that redundant? Close, but no) remarks about Natalie Portman's pregnancy.

For those who don't know, Ms. Portman, who is 29 years old, an Academy Award-winning actress, and a Harvard graduate with a B.A. in psychology (obtained during the filming of the three Star Wars prequels), and who's had a 4.0 GPA since grade school, is pregnant by her partner and fiance, Benjamin Millipied.

Mr. Huckabee slammed single mothers in general, calling them "very poor, uneducated, can't get a job, and if it weren't for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have health care." He neglected to comment on single fathers, or men who abandon the women they've knocked up, as if it's only women who have a hand in getting pregnant.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

An open letter to my hormone and menstrual cycles.

* Disclaimer: I am going to discuss, in vague detail, the act of my uterus trying to kill me on a monthly basis. If you are male, this will probably make you feel icky inside. Therefore, if you are male, and you read this, you acknowledge that you have absolutely no right to whine that I made you feel icky inside, because you read this disclaimer, and you read the post anyway.

Dear hormone and menstrual cycles;

I realise that, me being of the female persuasion, you are a natural fact of life. I understand quite perfectly that you have your uses, that you wish my body to harbour a baby as quickly and as often as possible, so that I might contribute to the human race continuing. I know this. I get it. And hey, that's dandy, because I don't want the human race to die out any time soon.

But that being said, I hate you. I hate that you make me burst into tears for no reason. I hate that I bleed like a stuck pig every month. I hate this immense welling of despair that I feel, that I can't control, just because my body is going crazy because ZOMGWHYISN'TITIMPREGNATEDTHISMONTH?!?!?!?!?!

This, despite the fact that is has NEVER been impregnated and, God willing, never will be.

Hormone cycle, I hate that you make me hate myself. I hate that you make me feel like no one will ever love me because I'm too "me" to be loved. I hate the surges of insecurity that you give me. I hate that you make me want to crawl pitifully toward people and timidly ask, "Will you like me?" You take an already-present yet well-controlled shyness and multiply it like a schizophrenic hobo on crack cocaine while riding a rollercoaster.

Which, coincidentally, is what you do to ALL of my emotions.

I really wish you'd stop. I wish that you'd stop making my body cramp up to the point that I'm doubled over in pain.

So what I'm really trying to say, body and various shrieking-and-crying-rage-inducing cycles, is piss off.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Muslims: Trust more, forbid less.

This is mainly about adoption, but will go into other things.

For my non-Muslim readers, when you adopt in Islam, the children aren't considered your blood relatives - thus, the rules for non-blood relatives still apply, such as women covering in front of men, no touching between the genders after the onset of puberty, and so forth.

This started with me being irritated that I get flack for being honest with my Muslim friends and telling them that I want to adopt and/or foster --- mainly this comes up when they ask for what qualities I want in a spouse; I'm not just randomly offering this information. A lot of them have brought up that I'll need to cover around male children, or that if my daughters choose to cover, they'll have to cover around my husband. Also brought up is the question of, "What if your husband develops feelings for the girl?" Also, probably what if I develop feelings for a boy. That's probably implied. These are put out as examples of why I shouldn't adopt and/or foster, despite the fact that adopting and fostering is a very Islamic thing to do, as evidenced by Zayd, the adopted son of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be with him).