Ramadan secrets

Before I begin, let me preface this post with this:

These are my thoughts and my feelings. I will not accept anyone delegitimizing or silencing them. I will not accept anyone telling me that I'm wrong, or I'm doing something wrong, or I just need to pray more/try harder/etc.

This blog is an honest look at the life of a convert in a Muslim-minority country. I post very blunt things here, in the knowledge that if I'm thinking and/or feeling them, then someone else is, too - and that someone, those someones, need to know that they're not alone.

You are not alone. Even when it feels that way. And if you feel the way that I do in this post, you are normal. There's no shame in what I'm about to post. There is shame in trying to shame people about it.

That said, I don't like Ramadan.

Celebrating non-Eid holidays as a Muslim.

Holidays, ranging from one's birthday to Christmas, is something that converts tend to have issues with. Do we celebrate them or not? Are they forbidden or not? Is the secular celebration of Christmas, the warmth of family and friends in the cold of winter (or heat, if you're in the southern hemisphere, I suppose), the loving exchange of gifts, something to be avoided simply because it isn't one of our celebrations? Simply because of what it means to some people, when almost every American, regardless of their religious beliefs, celebrates this holiday?

An open letter to Mike Huckabee.

Mike Huckabee, rumoured to be the Republican Party's main Presidential candidate in 2012, has made inane and idiotic (is that redundant? Close, but no) remarks about Natalie Portman's pregnancy.

For those who don't know, Ms. Portman, who is 29 years old, an Academy Award-winning actress, and a Harvard graduate with a B.A. in psychology (obtained during the filming of the three Star Wars prequels), and who's had a 4.0 GPA since grade school, is pregnant by her partner and fiance, Benjamin Millipied.

Mr. Huckabee slammed single mothers in general, calling them "very poor, uneducated, can't get a job, and if it weren't for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have health care." He neglected to comment on single fathers, or men who abandon the women they've knocked up, as if it's only women who have a hand in getting pregnant.

To the one I love: Back off my hijab.

I love you.  You are amazing.  You are intelligent, you are funny, you are inquisitive, you are strong, you are sassy, you are beautiful.  You are one of my favourite people, and I love telling others how much I love you.  I love, have always loved, and will always love, that you are a part of my life.

But I need you to back off my hijab.  I need you to stop asking why I wear it, because I've explained it to you several times.  I need you to not insinuate anymore that women who cover their heads because they believe that God wants them to haven't yet come into the 21st century (Catholics, Muslims, Jews, anyone).  The idea that I'm somehow stuck in the 7th century simply because I, and I alone, choose to not show anything but my face and hands to men who aren't related to me is insulting, rude, and, depending on how you're phrasing it, hurtful.

Love (because I do love you), my intelligence, strength, sense of humour, and strength don't diminish every time I put my hijab on.  My IQ doesn't diminish point by point with every layer that goes around my head.  The tightness of my hijab doesn't squeeze out my individuality, nor my sense of self, nor my self-esteem --- though sometimes it can make hearing and/or breathing a bit difficult, depending on the thickness of the material and how badly I've wrapped and pinned it.  Also, I'm just deaf sometimes.

A Family Crises.

Steve

Before I converted, I briefly dated a very intelligent, thoughtful, open-minded man who happened to be a convert to Judaism.  I forget his Jewish name, but his birth-name was Steve.  We broke up for reasons unrelated to either of our religious beliefs (I was pagan or agnostic at the time; can't remember which).

Throughout our relationship, Steve was very adamant about there being a huge difference between Israeli Jews and Zionism, and the rest of the world's Jewry.  He tried to go over and volunteer in the IDF every year,  but he was still very firm in that Zionism did not equal Judaism, and once told me that Jews aren't even supposed to set foot on the Holy Land until the Messiah comes, and that even if Moses himself (peace be upon him) were chasing him, all Steve would do would be to go into Israel and Moses wouldn't be able to follow him.  Steve was upset about the Israeli-Palestinian BS, but he still respected and understood that not every Jew and every Muslim hated each other.  He knew that it was a mainly political mess that was using religion to further its cause.  Steve was also the one who told me that the word "Messiah" is talking about a political leader, not the spiritual leader that most Christians hold it to mean.

The West is not the Devil, and most Muslims don't think that. So shut up.

I was born in the United States; Ogden, Utah, to be precise.  My mother was born in Utah.  Her parents were born in Utah.  My father and his family were born and raised in Humboldt County, in Northern California.  The earliest evidence of my family being in the US is that I know that my Dad's side got here during the mid-1800's; I do know that I'm related to both Confederate General and President Taylor.  My ancestry is German, French, English mutt, and maybe a bit Swiss.  I'm as Caucasian as they get.

I was raised in the small Northern Californian town of Fortuna.  Except for living in Sacramento for 7th, half of 8th, and all of 9th grade, I lived in Fortuna until I graduated high school.  Fortuna is small, and boring --- dear God, is it boring.  The nearest entertainment, if it could be called that, is in Eureka, a 20-minute car drive up Highway 101 (yes, the Eureka that's on California's state seal).  Yeah, we have a theatre in Fortuna.  It had one whole screen until about ten years ago, maybe a little earlier.  Then it got a whopping three screens.  We got our fourth traffic light no later than 2001, the year before I graduated high school.

An addendum to a previous post.

Apparently I was a bit too miffed at my stepmom to realise that she'd agreed with me about this post.  She says that she did, and I believe her.  Just wanted to set the record straight; I didn't mean to come off as implying that she was ignorant.

The first rule of Restaurant of Awesome: STOP FIGHTING.

Here's another update, then I'm going to write a bit about my new drivers license.

Thursday I noticed that I'd been put on Sundays from 5-9 pm for some reason, this week and next.  Huh.  Totally screws with my role-playing schedule, but oh, well.  I can't remember anything of note happening.

Friday, on my way to Family Night at the masjid, Gina-Bean calls me.  She says she's got food poisoning or something and wants me to cover her shift, but Ricardo said I'd called off that night.  I was like, "Lolwut, heck no, I didn't call off."  So I called Ricardo and told him so, and that I was taking Gina-Bean's shift.  Ricardo went of on me writing a note asking for the 23rd & 24th off, and I was all, "Uhm, Ricardo?  It's the 29th."  It was actually the 30th, but my point still stands.  Called Gina back, and it turns out that when I'd written a note saying, "May I please have the 23rd & 24th off, blahblahblah," earlier this month, my extremely intelligent managers, as well as Gina, had confused "May" as is "polite request" with "May" as in "The month between April and June."  Which explains why I didn't get that weekend off, but I'd forgotten I have a Saturday class, so it was good I didn't go to the retreat I wanted to go to.  It also turns out that I've honestly been doing an awesome job, not just bragging about doing an awesome job, and my extra Sunday shift is the tangible reward for that.

God loves me; I have proof!

So, there was a brother who converted (reverted ... 'verted) the day I did, and we appear to have lost him. >:P How embarrassing. Anyway, let's see ... this is Sunday, so it was Saturday morning, thus Friday night. This is how I have to remember what days things happened on, because I work overnight.

Anyway, Friday evening I got some e-mails from the convert support group my masjid has, informing me of this and generally asking if anyone has seen him/knows his number/etc., so we can check up on him. I said that if I saw him at Denny's then I'd say hi and see how he's doing.

Well, Friday night I worked until 6am for Gina-Bean. I stayed until about 6:30am, and these two guys said assalam alaykum to me, so I was all happy. Then I noticed that the white guy (the other turned out to be of Mexican descent) kinda looked like our MIA 'vert. So I asked him when he'd taken Shahada, and whilst it turns out he's NOT our missing 'vert, he and his friend are both converts of last July and 15 years, respectively, and they are SUCH nice dudes. I gave them the address of this blog. Hi, guys! *waves* ^___^

Anyway, we talked for quite a while, and they're both very interested in my masjid's convert group, and said that if they saw our missing 'vert around, they'd let him know that the masjid is worried about him. Oh, and you remember the two Muslims from a few posts down? The ones where the wife had recently converted? Yeah, my new friends know them, lol. So they'll pass on my e-mail, which I, in all my dorkiness, forgot to do when I was talking with the woman and her husband, so we can all be awesome together. They also know the brother who runs the local halal shop.

I also have about $160 in cash saved up for my eye appointment that I made for Tuesday, right after I give blood again (I am SUCH a superhero, you have NO idea --- and so modest about it, too), and I will, God willing, have enough to get not only the glasses eye exam, but also the more expensive contacts eye exam. Iiiiiiiiiii'm so happyyyyyyyyy! :D

Dude, I totally chilled at work last night. We had a crummy bar rush, so I just told Gina-Bean and Elise to tell me when they wanted me to take tables, and spent the rest of my shift rolling silverware, lol. I also paid my dad $20 out of the $35 I owe him ... but, my paycheck on Monday should be HELLA big (I'm from Humboldt; I say hella! Wanna fight?) so my phone bill, eye exams, and Dad's money should all be able to fit in it, with money to spare for my poor savings account. ^_^

I also made Fajr today; my Easter resolution is to pray all 5 prayers on time today. :D